her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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