I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
