the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
