Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
