If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
