I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
