Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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