it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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