I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
