I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
