420 ftw
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
