i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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