Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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