He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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