I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
