I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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