Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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