You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
