Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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