I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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