Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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