This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
