Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
