At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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