I'm jealous of your bromance
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
