Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
