Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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