Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
