Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
