I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize