The maid of honor just puked.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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