We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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