we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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