If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
