Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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