I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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