i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
