I'm really into asian looking animals
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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