MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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