I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
