listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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