i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
