dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
