do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
