I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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