____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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