Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
