Got a toothbrush?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
