I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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