Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
