Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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