she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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