that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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