Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
