Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
