dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize