"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
