I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
