I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
