It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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