I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
