Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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