I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
