dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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