I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
