Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
did i just pee glitter
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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