in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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