He disabled his match.com account in front of me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
